Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
