wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
