dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
