kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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