I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
