thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
