I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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