Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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