It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
