I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
