Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
