Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
