whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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