Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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