I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
