Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
