You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
