I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She's the barista slut.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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