I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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