Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
