two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
