Slut skills are useful in every country.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
