i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
