so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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