porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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