Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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