He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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