I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
