I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
