pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
