If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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