yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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