He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
