U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
