is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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