dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she looked like the before picture.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
