How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
