he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
