Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
