the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
