My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
