I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
