He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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