I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
