that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
