i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
