hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
