you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize