You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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