dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
