she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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