i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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