Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
