I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
