Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
