I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm too high and old for this...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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