Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize