I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
