i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
