Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
