I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I need to stop coming to work sober
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
