you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
