Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
