Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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