I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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