everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
