I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
