WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
