i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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