hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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