You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
