She's JV to your varsity
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He shit in the fireplace
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
