I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
