spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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