Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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