Kiss
Puke
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
