people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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