This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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