I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
