mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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