you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize