I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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