i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
