He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
