I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you will always have a special place in my vag
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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