im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
